We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
