dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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