I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
