Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
