First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
