i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
