It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
bring money and cleavage
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
