is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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