just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
