i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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