grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Non-Jews are for practice
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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