Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
