I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
