i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
