The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
