I've blown a few things in my day
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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