I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
