Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
