What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
