Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
