Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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