i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
