i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
