If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
