Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
