I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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