I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
