my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
