I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
