So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
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