I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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