arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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