I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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