Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
