idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
