He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
