Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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