I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
