before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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