I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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