just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Send help, water and tortillas.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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