I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
