I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
