I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He felt like a one man threesome
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
