you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
