we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
