i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
