I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
