You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
