You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
