Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
