I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dignity is for republicans.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
