being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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