I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
